The Untold Secrets of Relationships

Relationships seem to be the topic of discussions centered on much of the media and entertainment. Cheating, lying, and sex scandals seem to be the most private topics that are always discussed but no one ever seems to talk about the small aggravating features or actions of your mate. The little problems that can actually lead to the end of a relationship. Women often discuss these issues at ladies’ night or outings with the girlfriends. These issues include morning breath, or morning breath that lasts longer than mornings, snoring or other unusual sleeping habits that interrupts your sleep and the unwillingness to take a shower after a long day of hard work and sweat. Many times they are joked about but in reality they are problems in relationships that if not discussed they can lead to other issues in relationships. I will discuss these issues in detail and the consequences of not talking about these issues when they first become a problem.

“Morning breath” is something that everyone has and should not be considered anything out of the ordinary. This bad breath is often something that you want to avoid when you are beginning a relationship in fear that it will be a turn off. As a woman I do find it to be embarrassing and if possible I try to hide it by brushing my teeth immediately when I wake up. Usually in the beginning it is done without consideration, but after a year or so of being in a relationship with someone it is not a big issue but something that you can ignore because you love that person so much. Many people tend to become comfortable enough in the relationship to French kiss in the mornings, have breakfast and conversations without caring about the bad breath. When you are with the person you love you start to not care as much about your appearance or personal hygiene. The problems begins to really annoy you when arguments occur and you are aggravated with the person. In relationships, it is always healthy to keep yourself together so that the physical attraction to that person remains.

Sleeping is a time of relaxation and it also helps the process of rejuvenating your body to be ready and energized for the next day. For many people interruption of this process can lead to bad moods and aggravation of the next day. When you are used to sleeping by yourself, having a partner next to you can be overwhelming. Being in love and the thought of waking up with that person everyday is a dream come true and in the beginning the first couple nights of interrupted sleep are not a problem. These issues include extremely loud snoring, the grinding of teeth, passing gas in your sleep and many other little things that can and will interrupt your sleep. The main fact of these issues is that the person cannot control them and he or she is unconsciously doing these things. How do you confront your significant other about these problems?

The beginning of relationships are very exciting but it also can be a trying time in the relationships. The small issues that you ignore in the beginning do nit go away they are often a peak into the future. Some people learn to live with these issues or they learn to love them but if you are like me you just want them to disappear. Another issue that is often hard to discuss with your mate is personal hygiene of bathing and staying fresh and clean. For some unknown reason some people do not feel the need to shower daily or even wash up. Unfortunately, this is a major turn off in relationships because of the desire you have to be close to your significant other.

When talking to others about these issues that seem to evolve in relationships I find that in one way or another these small problems or annoyances can lead to break up or other more serious problems in relationships. Since many of these issues are withheld until they begin overpower your thoughts and actions toward your mate, as a result you mate may become less attractive or appealing to you. Kelly toddles, after being separated from her mate for over a year she reflected on her six year relationship with her ex-boyfriend. She found that the not so important things began to escalade to the basis of all arguments between herself and her mate. Of all of the issue mentioned Kelly found that the biggest issue she found was personal hygiene, or bathing. The fact when involved in a relationship the need of affection and closeness is needed to maintain a healthy relationship can take a toll on the relationship. The affection in her relationship began to dissolve because Kelly was able to ignore it anymore which led to accusations by her ex. Because of her love and admiration of him she was not able to express her feelings about his hygiene with him instead she allowed herself to be accused or more serious issue within the relationship such as cheating or a desire to be with someone else. Kelly says “We broke over nothing, things that could have been avoided.” Addressing these issues in the beginning before they get out of control can be the one factor that can save relationship and a result it might form a better relationship between the couple. Accusations and arguments will be avoided without the thought of dishonesty within the relationship.

Many people may laugh or think that you are being too picky about these small issue but all problems affect a person differently.
Ruth Purple, a relationship coach, has addressed these issues with many of her clients or students and she has found that although they may seem petty or small these nags can lead to much bigger problems in relationships. She says, “However, something that causes you emotional pain and stress is better addressed sooner than later.” Every aspect of a relationship has to be addressed in order to maintain a long and loving relationship. These issues may lead to a dispute or argument; the results of this argument are less severe than if not recognized until the problem gets out of control.